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An Original Tales From The Copy Center story.


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The Truth Is Out There
Saturday, January 30, 1999   By: Br'er Juan

My first black helicopter.

 They, meaning Chris Carter and his bunch, say the truth is out there - and it flew by my house this afternoon. My first black helicopter.

 I had the day off, and I sat inside on this warm, sunny day with my doors and windows open. I was reading an article on the minimalist movement in music when I heard a helicopter approaching.

 Now helicopters are almost as common as sand here in lovely Jacksonville Beach. We're only a few miles from Naval Station Mayport, and the Navy flies Sea King helicopters up and down the beach all day. But this one sounded different - lower, deeper, more ominous.

 I dashed to my front porch for a look. There it was - out over the beach headed south - flying just above the roof of the 12 story condo building a block away. It looked strangely dark - I shielded my eyes - definitely black, not the battleship gray of the Navy.

 What could it be doing here? Could Chuck Harder, the radio talk show host and populist consumer advocate who first alerted the world to the dangers of black helicopters, have moved his show from nearby White Springs to a gated community in Ponte Vedra Beach? I think not.

 Maybe the black helicopter's involved in the secret FEMA plot that's spraying the new fungus. The one that's showing up on hemp and marijuana lately. But I haven't seen any hemp patches in Jacksonville Beach, and somehow think that any free growing hemp patch would be smoked by some of our local residents and the winter crop of tramps - uh, I mean homeless -  before it could be killed by a fungus.

 Maybe it's involved in spraying the "strange, spider-web-like substance" that Art Bell says is falling from the sky across America. It’s blamed for everything from changes in the jet stream to this year's flu outbreak. I seem to recall, but I'm not wholly certain, that this is also a FEMA plot.

 You know. Part of that executive order President Clinton signed in 1994 before he had Monica Lewinsky to help him focus his attention elsewhere.

 I checked the beach for a strange, spider-web-like substance. Not there. And besides, I saw no spraying equipment hanging off the helicopter.

 So what's south of Jacksonville Beach? Where could the chopper be going?  Oh, I know -  Miami. The black helicopter was probably flying the cigarette-smoking man to the Super Bowl.

 The Truth Is Out There.


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