Paxety Pages

Coretta’s Memorial Service-Democrat Rally-Bush-Hating Festival

Once again, the Democrats have proved that they lack propriety as well as good sense. The occasion was the memorial service for Coretta Scott King, widow of the late Martin Luther King, where Reverend Joseph Lowery and Jimmy Carter, in particular, did their best to live up to the image presented by their party icon.

Carter, former president, nuclear scientist, and peanut farmer, blathered his usual inanities and lies, proving once again that he's either a pathetic senile old man who should be pitied for the loss of his mind, or that he's a slimy hypocrite who finds the taste of truth to be bile in his mouth. As usual, he leaves us guessing. Could anyone, excluding an inebriated Ted Kennedy, be that stupid? Who knows? But Carter's remarks were certainly a potent combination of lack of good taste and venom.

As he talked about the Kings, Carter said: "It was difficult for them (the Kings) then personally with the civil liberties of both husband and wife violated as they became the target of secret government wiretaps." The crowd cheered at what was obviously a dig at Bush's wiretapping inside America to thwart terrorism, and, by greater implication, the idea of the Republicans as a snooping, oppressive Big Brother party. However, in attendance at the event while Carter spoke were Ted Kennedy and Bill Clinton. It was president JFK, and his attorney-general brother, RFK, both Democrat icons, who were in power at the time and who approved the snooping on the Kings! Jimmy Carter knows this. And back in 1990's, Bill Clinton, the first black president, signed an executive order allowing ‘physical searches, without a court order,’ of American citizens, and extended it later to include the use of classified electronic surveillance techniques (including infrared sensors to observe people inside their homes) ‘without a court order.’ Carter doubtless knows this. If President Bush is guilty of anything, it’s following in the footsteps of Democrat presidents. And if Jimmy Cater had a conscience, he would throw up every morning after looking in the bathroom mirror.

The Rev. Joseph Lowery, co-founder of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, who, like Carter, apparently believes nothing is sacred, also took the opportunity of the media presence at the memorial to diss President Bush. For some reason, Lowery brought up weapons of mass destruction at the service, bringing the mostly black crowd to its collective feet, then mentioned how Coretta knew there were ‘weapons of misdirection right down here;’ however, it wasn't immediately apparent whether or not he was referring to Jimmy Carter's remarks. Lowery then said, "For war, billions more, but no more for the poor!" Causing the crowd to cheer wildly again.

A Cultural Divergence

Speaking of Lowery's appeal to the crowd at the memorial, I have long noted that the rhetorical method of many black leaders/preachers seems to favor style over substance (The organ accompaniment to sermons doesn't do much to dissuade me from this view). Otherwise, the appeal of the Jesse Jackson/Al Sharpton school of rhyming leaders is hard for the average Caucasian to understand, and seems to be foreign in the histories of Oriental and Hispanic communities. But for the urban American, the ability to use repetition, word play, or to make simple rhymes, has some deep seated appeal that touches them in places other cultures can't go. Why? No one knows.

All one has to do is take a simple social message, then rhyme it, repeat it, or make a word play with it. For example, you might say ‘If you in the Klan, you ain’t no man, ‘ or ‘If you a pimp, you just a wimp.’ (Wild applause and cheering). Or try this: ‘I want civil rights, not uncivil wrongs!’ (Wild applause and cheering). It’s actually surprising that neither Bill Clinton nor Jimmy Carter took the opportunity of a primarily black audience to try out the style. Speaking of his years as president, Carter might have said, "I chose to give inner city America inflation rather than see their children on probation!" (Wild applause and cheering) As for Bill Clinton, he might have tried, "The special prosecutor said I spewed on a blue dress, but I say the Republicans spewed on the economy and made a bigger mess . . . thank you. Shucks. Thank you." (Wild applause and cheering).

And if Ted Kennedy had any wit, during the Alito hearing he could have said, "Uh, I want a Supreme Court, er, uh, not a Republican, er, dream court." (Wild applause and cheering).

But this style of rhetoric probably won't work for everyone. For example, a conservative would probably not get away with, "I don't want abortions, I want to see life, even if it means the mother has to suffer birth canal contortions." (Stunned silence).

By the way, I wrote this column under some time duress, so I must confess, now I'm going to get my rest. (wild applause and cheering).

Reverend Lowery Explains The BIF

After a brief nap, I felt refreshed enough to drive to Atlanta and interview Reverend Lowery.

"Reverend Lowery, referring to a statement you made at the memorial service for Coretta Scott King this week, Do you really think it matters whether we kill our enemies with smart bombs or dumb bullets? Also, you said ‘For war, billions more, but no more for the poor!’ So, when you criticize the money the US spends on war, would that include the money the United States government spent fighting the Civil War to end slavery?"

"Though I'm a Christian, and love you like a brother, and believe in treating all men and women as equals, you axe me that neocon bullshit again and I'm gonna’ smack the white off yo’ ass. Meanwhile, I'll be praying for you."

"Uh, okay. Let's just move along."

"Excluding the fact that tens of thousands of white people who didn't live in New Orleans were also victims of Katrina, and in light of everything that’s come out concerning the demographics of who Katrina victims in New Orleans actually were - i.e., poor and black people were impacted no more than anyone else - why have you not revised your damming statements about President Bush?"

"Let me ‘splain something to you. In calculating misery, we Democrats use something called the BIF, the Bush Infinity Factor. The infinity factor covers every aspect, vertical and horizontal, from beginning to end, of any given negative phenomena. It goes like this. By not signing the Kyota treaty, Bush caused hurricane Katrina, hence leading to global warming, which, in turn, caused Katrina, which negatively impacted the poor and the black. And if Bush didn't cause Katrina, he had the New Orleans levees blown up so that the flooding caused massive damage, primarily impacting the neighborhoods of the poor and the black. And if it turns out he didn't blow up the levees, well, then–even though a black mayor and a Democratic governor failed in their responsibilities - FEMA, under Bush, didn't provide enough help for poor and black people, since more of them died in Katrina than any other portion of the population. And if it turns out the poor and the black didn't die disproportionately in New Orleans - as they're claiming now - then if FEMA doesn't let poor and black people from New Orleans luxuriate in fine hotels the rest of their miserable lives, . . "

"Then it’s because Bush is mean and insensitive and his policies negatively impact the poor and the black?"

"By George, I think he’s got it. If Republicans plug one hole with facts, we Democrats simply move to another level, cry, picket somebody, and keep shouting out the same thing. It goes on to infinity."

"Don't the voters realize how stupid, how medieval, such thinking is?

"Not our constituency. In olden times we'd a had George burnt at the stake for being a witch. As it is, we have to be satisfied with using the media to crucify him."

"What’s next for Democrats?"

"Well, since we planted poor old Coretta the other day, I been thinking on it. You know, Coretta died at some beaner cancer clinic down in Mexico, where her children stuck her - even though America has the best medical technology in the world, and the Kings have resource to all the money they need. The guy that ran it wasn't even a doctor, turns out. The Mexican government finally shut it down. So, I'm thinking, if George Bush took better care of the seniors citizens in America, black seniors in particular . . . ."